i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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