Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
