honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
