ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
