Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
