What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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