Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
