my soul wont recognize me after tonight
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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