like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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