the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Farmville is her only friend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
