i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
