Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
