So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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