clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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