He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
