I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
