suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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