FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
