i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize