It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
