mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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