Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
