and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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