Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
