I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
