home. puking in laundry basket.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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