What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
