Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
