I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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