so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize