I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Did I show you my penis last night?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
