my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
