Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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