Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize