there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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