are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
