just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
