Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
