i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
