your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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