haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
