i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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