that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
