He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
