Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
