somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
