Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
