hotel room ftw
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
