I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
