apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
