Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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