i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
