I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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