happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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