Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
