just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
