we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
