new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
