I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
