Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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