I wanna bring you to show and tell
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize