I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize