i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
