i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
