I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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