Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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