so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize