Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
