I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
