Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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