Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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