i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
