either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
