haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Randomize
